Friday, 28 December 2012

Damaged but not broken

© Rebecca Teal

I had a bad day.
I couldn't get out of the car.

No amount of Mr T telling me I looked beautiful made any difference. No amount of knowing people don’t view me as the sick lady in a wig makes any difference.
 
 It’s not about how others see me but how I see myself
and above all, I see a damaged me.
 
I see every bit of damage this cancer treatment has caused
and it breaks my fucking heart.

But fear not, normal service WILL be resumed.

I'm damaged, not broken and I’m a feisty old bird, remember?

Monday, 24 December 2012

Santa Baby...

© Rebecca Teal

Twas elves who zapped me with radio waves today...a nice touch, I thought!

Now, people, I'd like to wish you all a Merry Christmas and to thank you for your support, well wishes, gifts, photographs...all of which have helped me more than I can say.

Here's a slideshow for you all
Merry Christmas
xxx

video

I'd especially like to thank

CurvyCandy
Gary
Gravel
Harry
Jack
Kermie
Mark
Moonlight_81
Piggy
ScarletRaven
Sebastian
and
Mr T
xxx



Wednesday, 19 December 2012

Merry Christmas

© Rebecca Teal

As it's nearly Christmas I've persuaded Mr T to give me an early Christmas present.

video

You can see what he gave me, and I gave him, by buying the full video.

Details are on my videos page.

xx
  

Tuesday, 18 December 2012

Omelette, anyone?


© Rebecca Teal

Since I've not had chance to get naughty for you all for a little while
 here's a free teaser video recorded during one of my MFC broadcasts.

When life gives you eggs...make an omelette!

video

If you'd like to download a higher quality version it's available here.
 


               

Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Moonlight_81...thank you


© Rebecca Teal

Once again, I'm learning to accept help which is so graciously given.

A lovely lady named Moonlight_81 donated all the tokens she made last weekend to me. What a beautiful deed from a beautiful lady. Thank you to all who tipped and thank you Ms M for your generosity. As ever, when I am able, I shall be passing it forward.

 
Moonlight_81 doing her bit, bb!


Thursday, 6 December 2012

Show boob, bb

© Rebecca Teal

Wanna see my boob?

 I've been given a prosthesis to wear inside my bra over my real breast to make it the
same size as the reconstructed one while I wait for surgery to even them up.
Neat, huh?

Friday, 30 November 2012

Pumped and plumped

© Rebecca Teal

I've had the final top-up to my implant

 Before

 After

I no longer have to wear the compression bra so the implant
can now drop and will look more natural.
 
At the moment the profile looks a little strange!

So, bring on the next round of treatment and the next two surgeries,
then I'll have matching breasts
and be ready to tease and please you all
xxx



Saturday, 24 November 2012

Nipple Free!

© Rebecca Teal

Here it is…the moment I’ve been waiting for…the first sight of my scar and I am so pleased.

This is the first time my surgeon has seen it and he was very pleased, too. Some of the areola has been saved and he'll use this to make me a new nipple then a new areola will be tattooed around it. Good, huh?

This photograph was taken after I’d had another 40ml of saline injected into the implant.  The breast will settle in time and look less like a football!  Next week, I’m having the final top up…not 40ml, I don’t want to poke Mr T in the eye.

EDIT: and in case you were wondering, I will be having the other breast made larger to match!



               

Tuesday, 20 November 2012

Undressed...

© Rebecca Teal

Two weeks after surgery, this is how I look

 
The dressing has come off and the steristrips will come off in a couple of days. It's then I will, for the first time, see my scar and my breast without the nipple...yikes!

I won't always be this shape and size. I will have a couple more injections of saline to increase the size of the implant and when the swelling subsides, if you're not happy with the shape I can have it changed and the other breast altered to match.

I've never been a fan of fake boobs and I apologise to my followers who liked that mine were small and natural but I think I have a good reason now to indulge in a little fakery.

As my cancer is ER+, which means its growth is stimulated by estrogen, I am having my ovaries removed to help prevent any recurrence. This will mean another hospital stay and seven or so weeks recovery but should be fitted in between now and the work on my other breast. So, the schedule for getting back on cam is still mid June 2013. Until then, we shall have to have fun the best way we can...all suggestions welcome ;o)


              

Sunday, 11 November 2012

Home with a new puppy ;o)

© Rebecca Teal

I'm home.
I'm very, very sore.
I feel like I've been hit by a bus but all is good.

 Here's my sexy hospital  cape...nice, huh?

And here are my super sexy (control yourselves, boys) surgical stockings.

I was a little disappointed that they're really surgical socks!

My surgeon has a set of different coloured pens. The blue line around the nipple and down and then the one under my arm is where he cut. The red outline is the implant and the little red box is the port for inflating with saline. The blue Xs are where the drains exit and I had a third one but cannot remember where it exited.

 And here I am two days after surgery.
Two of the drains have just been removed.
The remaining one will come out next week.

Another step closer to being back for you all
Rebecca
xxx


      

Monday, 5 November 2012

Waaaaaahhhh!!!!

© Rebecca Teal

I just called the breast clinic. My blood results are good and all is
fine for surgery tomorrow.
So now it's actually going to happen, which is what I wanted,
I find I don't want it after all.

Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

So fucking nervous it's unreal...


      

Friday, 2 November 2012

Not easy to do...

© Rebecca Teal

I have just uploaded a new page.

Not the easiest thing to ask... 


       

Thursday, 1 November 2012

World Vegan Day

© Rebecca Teal

The clue’s in the title!
Today’s lunch
Today’s lunch topless!
See how good being vegan can be?

Counting blood...

© Rebecca Teal

My blood test results from Thursday show that my counts
(neutrophils, white cells, platelets and some other things with strange names)
are currently too low for next week's surgery. I'm having another test on Monday. So..

HEY, YOU, BLOOD! GET YOURSELF SORTED!

I really need this surgery as soon as possible.

Monday, 22 October 2012

New boobs on the horizon...

© Rebecca Teal

My ultrasound last week showed some shrinkage but not enough to save the breast
 My boobs are so tiny that even removing a small lump would take away most of the breast tissue and it seems chemo isn’t going to make it anywhere near small enough.

So the Chemo Guy has stopped my chemotherapy (hooray, I hated it but eek, I want all the chemo you can throw at me) and organised surgery.

I’m having a mastectomy with an immediate implant (Yay!).
I didn’t want flap reconstruction as this leaves too much scarring for me and anyway, I
“don’t have enough fat on my abdomen, bum or back to use”
(I’m taking this as a compliment, Mr Surgeon)

I've never wanted false breasts. I dislike anything false
but I think under the circumstances I will make an exception.

Thursday, 11 October 2012

Quick update

© Rebecca Teal

Just a super quick update for you!

My last chemo (last Wednesday) put me in bed for a week with ridiculous pain and unbelievable fatigue. I've never felt so ill. Today I have an ultrasound to check for tumour shrinkage...remember how the FEC chemo had no effect? I'm not sure this docetaxol chemo is working either and this time it will be a relief if the Chemo Guy stops it and moves straight to surgery...then it's a whole different set of pain and emotions.

Thursday, 20 September 2012

Ladies and Gentlemen...Miss Scarlet Raven!

© Rebecca Teal

It can be very hard to accept charity, even when it's really needed.
But some people give it with such grace and understanding that it doesn't feel

like charity or pity...it feels like help when it's needed and inspires me to pass it
forward whenever, to whomever and in whatever way I can.

So, ScarletRaven, thank you for your gift
and thank you to all you guys who helped her reach her target.

One small act of kindness can make a big difference...this was a huge act of kindness.

And here's the crazy, beautiful lady doing what she does best...

 
...naked in a park with a Breast Cancer Awareness kite

And that awesome ass!
xxx

Monday, 17 September 2012

Bibi, bb

© Rebecca Teal

It's official; even the NHS calls me bb.
Yes, that really is MY ward file on the left. Bay 1 Bed 1
Good, huh?

Sunday, 16 September 2012

You, bug, go forth...

© Rebecca Teal


I've not posted for a while as I had no wifi in my hospital bed...
but now I have a dongle!!

I was admitted on Friday when my temperature reached 39.4°C  I'm being given intravenous antibiotics and something to increase my white blood cell count and being monitored every few hours...the buggers even wake me up to do all this!

One of the side effects of chemo is a drop in white blood cells, which increases the risk of infection. It seems that an  insignificant germ to whom I would normally say "Get thee away, little bug, go forth from my door" has been able to emulate a superhero germ and maraud my body unchallenged...the cad!

My temperature is now closer to normal but my white blood cell count is still too low so I won't be allowed home yet.

We're trying to organise wifi at the hospital so I can update and tweet from my sick-bed (I think camming may be frowned upon).

Be patient, people...I'm doing my best to get back on track.

Rebecca x

By the way, what I'd really say to that bug is "You, bug...fuck off and when you get there fuck off some more then keep fucking off!" 

Thursday, 13 September 2012

ScarletRaven and Sheep!

© Rebecca Teal


For the last few days I have felt utterly dreadful
but this little chap has cheered me up

 
Thank you, Piggy, for my wheat filled sheep...about to be zapped to make him hot...
like me ;o)

And thank you, ScarletRaven, for this
God, woman, I love you!

Thursday, 6 September 2012

Some naughtiness for you...

© Rebecca Teal

Hmmm...there's not been much naughtiness on this blog for a while so I'm posting these free videos for you...enoy

video
Hiking

video
Kissing

video
Naked in the pub!

All night long...

© Rebecca Teal

The night before my new chemo I took a massive dose of steroids as instructed and was bouncing off the ceiling. At about half past midnight I said we should go to bed as Mr T needed to sleep even if I didn’t. After about half an hour in bed he asked (with a smile) if I was going to stop talking so he could sleep or should we get up again. Can’t help thinking now that I missed an opportunity for some all night naughtiness…

Monday was my first infusion of Herceptin…had to spend six hours at the hospital as it’s nasty stuff and they need to monitor me to make sure I have no adverse reaction, which I didn’t.
Tuesday was an ECG as Herceptin can cause heart damage, even failure, so that will act as a benchmark for regular checks; also had pre-chemo blood test.
Yesterday was my first infusion of Docetaxol, my new chemo drug.

Today is a day of rest and all is good so far.

And just look at what the wonderful ScarletRaven is doing. Scroll down below the photograph and read, (then maybe weep as I did). I don't know how I will ever thank her for this other than passing it forward as that's her philosophy and mine, too.

       

Thursday, 30 August 2012

Fecking FEC

© Rebecca Teal

I saw the Chemo Guy today and my ultrasound shows no shrinkage (which we had kind of sussed) and that my tumour isn't responding to the FEC part of my chemotherapy...which is a real bummer. So, he's cancelled tomorrow's FEC chemo session and instead has me starting Herceptin and Docetaxol chemo next week.

Not  a very happy bunny today
xxx

Friday, 17 August 2012

Birthday on hold

© Rebecca Teal


Jeez...chemo number two has totally floored me.
It's been 9 days and I still can't do anything; spending most of my time horizontal again and feeling total rubbish.

Tomorrow is my birthday and I'm going to have to admit defeat. I'm in the second week of my chemo cycle when all my blood counts are at their lowest so socialising is a big no as the risk of infection is too great. To be honest, I can't stand up for long enough to be very sociable anyway.

Packages have arrived and I am saving them for my birthday.
Mr T will help me open them and I shall thank you all.

Since I began camming I've been looking forward to my birthday and had planned to share it with you guys so we could have fun and I could say thank you for your support. I'm going to have to put it on hold. I'm sure we won't have to wait till next year (dear Lord, I hope not!) and there'll be a day when I can wiggle and dance and tease and be naughty

Rebecca 
xxx

Saturday, 11 August 2012

Chemo Number 2 and the Hose Attachment ;o)

© Rebecca Teal
 
Chemo number 2 on Thursday was ok in as much as having chemo can be ok. Thursday evening and night I felt uber sick and Friday I was shattered but today, I feel good again…I get tired easily but I know that will pass.

My hair is doing its best to drop out. This morning it was a ceaseless task trying to rinse it off my shoulders in the shower and I’d left it too late for Mr T to shave it before he had to leave for work for a few hours.  As I was trying to do my make-up I got so angry with it falling on my face that I had a bright idea! The vacuum cleaner was still upstairs so I put the brush attachment on the hose and gave my head the once, twice, thrice over. It worked and felt quite nice.
Mr T will shave it all off for me later today.

And answer me this, people. My under arms and lady bits are nicely bald but why the f*ck aren’t my legs?


       

Monday, 6 August 2012

On my back ;o)

© Rebecca Teal

Lord...I need to update so here we go!

That first chemotherapy session slapped me across the face on day 8. Luckily I happened to be at my local surgery for a blood test at the time and with the help of a nurse and a wheel chair the blood test was accomplished and Mr T was summoned. I spent the next 63 hours in a horizontal position unable to raise my head without everything spinning, unable to sleep but, strangely, able to eat...with a vengeance. I have gained 4lbs and I have a tummy! It's quite cute :o)

By Day 11 I was out of bed and beginning to function again.

Over the last couple of weeks I have received nearly 100 bars of Green & Black's chocolate so thank you Piggy, thank you Gravel and thank you Messrs Green & Black.

I had another blood test this morning and on Thursday I have my second chemo session so by my reckoning I will be slapped across the face and staring at the spinning ceiling again on my birthday...bummer!!

Of course, if you were to click on one of the hearts below, peruse my wishlist and send me a gift then my birthday would be more bearable. Or if you prefer, you could click on the pink ribbon and make a donation to Cancer Research Or Macmillan Cancer Care.

Thank you xx